• Natalie Harrell

Smoke and Mirrors

Updated: May 5

Before you found me, I sat at the edge of the water, watching the

clouds open as I did. My joy was found between my fingers as I smoked Smooths.

They tasted like candy. I stopped. I knew it was bad for me, so I stopped. We met around that time,

as if the sky above and the water below convinced me I needed

to be better

for what was coming into my life. The storm passed and maybe I was naive to believe those would

be the last clouds. I remember that night, as I remember most. It was the night you

found me I had left my body, swearing never to return, and somehow you

mistook the vacancy as an open room and you needed a place to

crash, so you stormed into my world

You learned about how I burnt the bridge that stretched from my

feet to his. You learned about how he turned his back after he saw my tears

glisten amongst the flames.

His world was bland and disheartening, making me someone I’m

not. Your world is vivid and glorious, making me into who I am

meant to be

We ran as fast as our feet could take us

Our souls intertwined as our minds’ mazes merged Our

idiosyncrasies fell into place like puzzle pieces on the same table

where we fell in love You mock me for flipping pennies to see

Lincoln Or how I Hail Mary as we pass the cemeteries in town

(The dead deserve to rest in peace, for if their lives were anything like ours, they deserve serenity in the end) You don’t understand but still make me feel like Darlene Love Like her I know you are just

what I have been waiting for and this time it is not my

imagination when we kiss

when we kiss please, can we just kiss?

We know the fights will end because this is right. We know this is right. Do you know how right this is?

I know she hurt you, and I promise never to hurt you, never the way she did. I do not have it in me

I remember that night, as I remember most. It was the night you

found me. You were in her arms; the same arms which hurt you.

And like Hell, I entered disguised as a saint. I cast an unbreakable spell and you were charmed. Be careful, I whispered across the room. Be careful, you screamed into my ear. You forced your way out of her arms, shed them like snake skin

Then you grabbed my hand- A bond I swear to never break.

I have said my piece but still am without peace.

I must leave for a while

Because her dresses still hang on the skeletons in your closet.

The floral fabrics taunt me.

I do not deserve this. No one deserves this. What did I do to

deserve this? Dear, if you wish to find me again, I will be at the edge of the


Natalie Harrell

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